Who Sees The Real Me?
by MadameMeow
Summary: Lina casts the Giga Slave at the end of Next, and ends up in the presence of the Lord of Nightmares. Revelations ensue. I really have no idea how to classify this fic...


Who Sees the Real Me?  
By Madame Meow  
  
Hmmm, okay. Another strange idea that popped into my head one   
day, as I was reading a very good fanfic. I thank Theria and SephZero for   
the semi-inspiration their story, which I can't currently remember the   
name of *looks sheepish*, provided to me. That being said, this isn't   
going to be a full-fledged story, just a short one shot-er. It deals with   
what happened after Lina casts the Giga Slave at the end of Next. We all   
know, or at least, most of us (myself excluded since I've never actually   
seen the end of Next, *sweatdrop* why am I writing this again?) that   
when Lina lost control of the Giga Slave, the Lord of Nightmares   
possessed her and Xelloss says that there was no way for her to come   
back, she was gone. Of course, then, strangely enough, Gourry managed   
to bring her back. Now, let's pretend that that little bit of fan-service   
didn't actually happen, or rather, it happened differently, or that it was   
someone else. Hehe, really, to say anymore would negate the need for   
me to actually write the story, so why don't you just read it? Enjoy.  
  
I don't own slayers, blah, blah, blah, do you really have to hear this   
again?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"...by the power you and I possess, GIGA SLAVE!!"  
  
Lina could feel the Nightmare energy, the unbelievably dark magic   
welling up inside her. Ignoring the self-satisfied smirk on the   
Hellmaster's face, she concentrated desperately on trying to control her   
spell. Spinning out her swiftly waning energy, she clamped down as hard   
as she could on the rapidly expanding globe of golden power she held   
cupped between her palms. She could feel it spinning out of her reach.   
The energy was being pulled from her now; she was no longer pushing it   
out. As she felt herself being consumed, she thought wistfully of her   
friends. ~You put your trust in me. I'm sorry I failed you.~  
  
Lina's 'soul' dissolved into a bath of unearthly golden light.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Lina' became aware gradually, a slow stretching of the senses, a   
feeling of being alive extending from her. For some reason this felt   
vaguely odd, and unexpected, but she was willing to ignore it for the   
moment. That is until she tried to blink. At this point she realized   
something was wrong. Lina suffered a flutter of anxiety when she   
realized she had no eyes or eyelids with which to blink.  
  
~HUSH CHILD, RELAX. I AM WITH YOU.~  
  
The enormous thought reverberated through her awareness. And it   
was a thought, for no voice could encompass the sheer glory of feeling it   
ripple through her. But who...experimenting a little, Lina found her own   
thought-voice.  
  
~...who?~  
  
A rush of offended amusement, as if to be unaware of whom it was   
that thought was the height of absurdity.  
  
~LORD OF NIGHTMARES. MORE IMPORTANTLY, CREATOR OF YOU.~  
  
~...oh.~  
  
Lina struggled with herself for a few moments. She felt somehow,   
that she should be more focused, more compact in her thinking. Instead   
her thoughts were spread out, diluted in a medium of formlessness.   
Finally she let herself drift. Eventually her thought process led her to   
where she felt she ought to go.  
  
~ hellmaster...friends...safe?~  
  
Lina felt a wash of faint irritation and complacency mixed.  
  
~ HELLMASTER HAS BEEN DESTROYED FOR HIS INSUBORDINATION.   
YOUR FRIENDS ARE AS WELL AS CAN BE, CONSIDERING THEIR CONCERN   
FOR YOU.~  
  
Lina could feel herself incrementally coming back together. Still it   
felt like a few millennia before Lina's thoughts progressed enough to   
process the next question.  
  
~am...i...dead?~  
  
~DEAD IS A LIMITING WORD. YOU CALLED TO ME, CHILD, AND I   
ANSWERED. TAKING YOU BACK WITH ME WAS MY CHOICE. I CHOSE TO   
EXERCISE IT.~  
  
Lina could feel faint stirrings of anger and resentment, but they   
didn't come from outside of her. They came from within.  
  
~why?~  
  
Lina felt a soothing wave brush over her awareness, as if she were a   
cat who had just been stroked.  
  
~OF ALL HUMANS, CHILD, YOU SOMEHOW, REMIND ME MOST OF   
MYSELF.~  
  
~that is it?...what if...i...wanted to go back?~  
  
A decidedly unfriendly pause before the answer came.  
  
~I WOULD DISLIKE IT IMMENSELY. BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO   
DENY MYSELF ANYTHING. SHOULD SOMEONE DESIRE YOUR RETURN   
ENOUGH TO PETITION TO ME, THEIR WISH WILL BE GRANTED.~  
  
Lina felt vaguely that there was something wrong with that   
wording. With her returning powers of reason she looked for the catch.  
  
~so...if one of my friends comes...and asks for my return, i can go   
back?~  
  
Amusement came again, amusement that was just the teensiest bit   
smug.  
  
~INCORRECT. WE ARE IN MY SEA OF CHAOS CHILD. IT IS A REALM   
OF POSSIBILITIES. SHOULD ONE OF YOUR COMPANIONS COME HERE,   
THEIR OWN PRECONCEPTIONS WILL SHAPE THE FORMLESS POTENTIAL   
INTO YOU. OR WHO THEY THINK YOU ARE.~  
  
Lina mulled this over.  
  
~then my return depends upon their ability to see...the real me.~  
  
~CORRECT. IF EVEN ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS SEES THE TRUE YOU,   
THE POTENTIAL WILL FORM YOU, DRAGGING YOUR AWARENESS INTO THE   
VESSEL THEY HAVE FASHIONED.~  
  
~if even one?~  
  
~MY ESSENCE IS THAT OF POSSIBILITIES. IF DIFFERENT   
POSSIBILITIES ARE PLAYED OUT, THE PERSON WHO COMES FOR YOU WILL   
BE DIFFERENT.~  
  
If Lina could have taken a deep breath, she would have. Instead   
she settled with bolstering her courage, and placed her trust in her   
friends.  
  
~i believe in them.~  
  
~THEN COME. LET US VIEW THE MOST LIKELY POSSIBILITY.~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
For a formless entity, such as Lina now was, having a specific   
vantage of view is impossible. But for the sake of our readers, let us say   
that she is looking down at a transparent golden globe floating in a sea   
of darkness, containing the illusion of her body within it.  
  
Lina waited impatiently, the Lord of Nightmares a presence all   
around her, for the most likely of her friends to come after her.  
  
Moments later, Gourry leapt through a tear in the fabric of the   
place, and looked around with cautious desperation as the sides of the   
rent amalgamated together behind him. Lina wasn't surprised. It figured   
that her 'bodyguard' would be the most likely of her friends to come   
through. However, she had to wonder how clearly he had seen her, if he   
truly believed she had NEEDED a bodyguard.  
  
While Lina was pondering, Gourry had approached the glowing   
globe, and the Sword of Light was sucked in, taking Gourry with it.   
Anguished emotions shone in Gourry's eyes as he reached out and tried   
to shake the Lina illusion awake, but it doesn't respond except to slowly   
fade away.   
  
The look on Gourry's face told Lina that his heart was breaking, but   
as he seemed to be about to burst into tears, formless bits of the   
Nightmare energy that inhabited every inch of this place turned golden,   
coalescing into droplets. These droplets pooled together to make a   
figure of Lina being encircled in Gourry's arms.  
  
Or rather, a figure that looked like Lina. The real Lina, who   
hovered in the surrounding space, felt not the slightest pull to enter the   
body that Gourry so reverently embraced. And as the two started to fade   
away, Lina sent an angry thought at L-sama.  
  
~why wasn't i pulled in?~  
  
The energy of the area fluxed, as if the Lord had shrugged.  
  
~IT WAS NOT YOU.~  
  
~how do you know?~  
  
Lina immediately felt foolish saying that to the Lord of Nightmares,   
but if it bothered L-sama, it didn't show.  
  
~I'LL SHOW YOU.~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The world Lina had formerly inhabited appeared in front of Lina as   
if on a screen. She could see herself, wrapped in Gourry's arms, appear   
before the others, then moments later beat the hell out of her savior of   
touching her. Lina frowned, first because the way she was hitting Gourry   
seemed way out of proportion, and second because, as her double stood   
up, she could see right off a few of the things Gourry had failed to see.  
  
~the bastard did away with my breasts entirely!!!~  
  
And it was true. Though her breasts, Lina could admit, at least to   
herself, were not as big as the norm, that didn't mean she didn't have   
ANY! But her double was as flat as a twelve year old boy. As Lina   
watched longer, she could see other things similar to a twelve year old.   
The new 'Lina' had narrower hips, and was several inches shorter in   
height.  
  
~he really did see me as a child, didn't he...~  
  
~THERE ARE DEEPER DIFFERENCES AS WELL.~  
  
In the blink of an eye, Lina watched the future roll out for her   
counter-part. And as she watched, she could discern distinct changes in   
the double's personality. For one thing, she tended to beat Gourry at the   
drop of a hat. Lina did give Gourry a good thrashing when he did   
something to deserve it, but as far as she could see, the double did it   
whenever she felt like it, deserved or not. And when the time for battle   
came, not-Lina fought more in the background, letting Gourry take care   
of things for the most part.  
  
Watching quietly, Lina came to a few conclusions.  
  
~if that's how he saw me, no wonder he would never leave me   
alone...that lina really does need him to protect it.~  
  
~DO YOU WISH TO STOP NOW?~  
  
~yeah. let's see how the rest of my friends do.~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next likely person to try and save Lina was, amazingly, Amelia.   
Perhaps it was her obsession with justice that prompted the rescue, but   
considering Lina's growing experience with misconceptions, Lina wasn't   
going to bet on it.  
  
When the Lina-double-2 faded back into the 'real' world, wrapped   
in Amelia's clingy hug, Lina could see that again, some of the differences   
were physical. The Lina double was indefinably older. It wasn't that   
there were wrinkles, or anything as obvious as that. But the air of   
maturity and age clung to the double's body, making the body that   
should have appeared sixteen to appear closer to thirty.  
  
Again, the future played out as Lina watched. And Lina could see   
almost immediately what changes Amelia had caused in her personality.   
The new 'Lina' was the powerful ally-for-justice that Amelia had always   
said the old Lina was. She killed bandits, not because she needed the   
money, or because she took pleasure in her magic, but because they were   
criminals, and she gave the loot she gained to charities and needy   
people. She righted all wrongs, and defeated all evil. Lina was hard-  
pressed to see even a glimmer of her former selfishness, pragmatism, or   
street sense. And on top of that, the new 'Lina' was poor too.   
Apparently, in giving all her money away, she hadn't kept a penny for   
herself.  
  
~she's made me a flatter, older version of herself! how dare she?!~  
  
The thought of the Lord of Nightmare's laugh flickered through   
her.  
  
~SHALL WE MOVE ON?~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next would-be savior was Zelgadiss. And when Lina saw how   
he viewed her, she wondered why he had even wanted to.  
  
Zelgadiss being the big believer in appearances that he was, he had   
seen Lina's real body down to the broken toenail on her left foot. All the   
changes had been internal. Here was the selfishness that had been   
missing from Amelia's version, in spades. The driving forces in Lina-  
double-3 appeared to be greed, hunger, and self-interest. She hoarded   
her food then scarfed it down in seconds. Quests for Zelgadiss's cure   
were delayed, sidetracked, or put off altogether as the Lina-double   
indulged in her every whim and desire, reasonable or not. And when they   
arrived at the temples, or ruins, or the homes of wise men, the double   
always demanded first look at the ancient spell books, first choice of the   
treasure, and the first chance to question the wise men. The fake Lina's   
only saving graces seemed to be that it was almost painfully intelligent,   
and incredibly powerful. Unfortunately, all that brilliance and power was   
directed in the pursuit of Lina-double's happiness, no matter who or what   
got in the way.  
  
Even as Lina recoiled from this portrayal of her character, she   
refused to be ashamed of the slight tug towards it she had felt when the   
double had first been made. Knowing the Lord of Nightmares was   
entirely aware of what she was feeling and thinking, she defended   
herself.  
  
~those aren't bad qualities, when in moderation. i have them, but   
not in the quantities that Zel seems to think. i thought of other people   
just as much as i thought of myself!~  
  
L-sama's mind voice was almost mild, if the Creator's voice could   
ever be mild.  
  
~I NEVER THOUGHT OTHERWISE. NEXT?~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sylphiel gave a shot at it next. Again, when Lina saw how Sylphiel   
saw her, she wondered why she had bothered. At least she could console   
herself with the thought that there had been no pull towards the body   
this time.  
  
Sylphiel's world revolved around Gourry. Apparently, Lina was only   
an appendage to him in her world. And a jealous, greedy, destructive   
one at that. The Lina-double clung to Gourry like a burr. But not for love   
or affection. For the dual reasons of keeping him out of Sylphiel's loving   
arms, and to get the Sword of Light. All the Lina-double's interactions   
with Sylphiel seemed faintly taunting, as if the Lina-double had something   
she knew Sylphiel wanted but would never have. The double ran around   
blowing things up recklessly, without considering the consequences until   
the deed was done, and abused Gourry mercilessly. The gentle priestess   
seemed to view Lina as a world-destroying bomb, waiting to explode.  
  
If the Lina-double was painful to watch, the future in store for the   
fake Lina hurt even more. As the possibilities ran, Gourry, who   
'somehow' had always been miraculously blind to Lina's manipulative,   
abusive, violent ways until now, began to notice the newly more obvious   
personality traits. And he didn't appreciate them. And neither did her   
other friends. Gourry was driven into Sylphiel's waiting embrace, and   
Amelia and Zelgadiss were just driven away. Alone and friendless, the   
double continued to run around being randomly destructive, until one   
day, she cast the Giga Slave and, spinning out of control, it introverted,   
blowing her into a million little pieces.  
  
To Lina, watching this, a painful vice seemed to have clamped on   
her heart, except she didn't technically have one at the moment. But that   
didn't make the feeling go away.  
  
~i...thought we were friends. and all this time, she thought i was   
taunting her with gourry.~  
  
A soothing feeling washed over her.  
  
~HUSH. THERE IS ONE LAST MAJOR POSSIBILITY. DO YOU FEEL UP   
TO VIEWING IT?~  
  
Lina wasn't sure if she wanted the last of her illusions shattered,   
but she told herself to be brave. Lina Inverse didn't indulge in denial.   
Even for the sake of her sanity.  
  
~yeah. let's get it over with.~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xelloss was the last possible petitioner. Lina, though she was   
mildly surprised that he would think to ask for her back at all, supposed   
it made sense that he would be the least likely possibility. It shocked to   
the core when she felt a tug so strong that she almost was sucked into   
the waiting vessel.  
  
As she watched the last Lina-double live out it's life, she was more   
shocked that she hadn't been sucked in entirely. Her duplicate looked   
and acted exactly like her, as far as she could see. Confused, she sent   
her bewilderment to her Creator.  
  
~DO YOU WONDER WHY XELLOSS WAS ABLE TO SEE YOU MORE   
CLEARLY THAN YOUR TRUE FRIENDS WERE ABLE, OR HOW THIS   
DUPLICATE IS IMPERFECT?~  
  
~both.~  
  
~AS TO THE FORMER, HE SEES YOU MORE CLEARLY BECAUSE HE IS   
FREE TO BE IMPARTIAL. HE WAS NOT YOUR REAL FRIEND, AND HAD NO   
EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT BLOCKING HIM FROM SEEING BOTH YOUR   
FLAWS AND YOUR VIRTUES.~  
  
~oh...and the other?~  
  
~HIS ONLY TRUE ERROR WAS IN SEEING YOU AS A THREAT TO THE   
MAZOKU. BECAUSE THE MAZOKU SEE YOU AS A THREAT, THEY ASSUME   
THAT YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY IN RETURN.~  
  
"whereas, i couldn't care less what the mazoku do, as long as they   
don't interfere with me, or what i care about."  
  
~PRECISELY. IT WAS A MIND-SET FLAW, RATHER THAN A   
PERSONALITY FLAW.~  
  
Though Lina shouldn't have taken it personally, it somehow felt like   
the final nail in the coffin that even her enemies couldn't see her for what   
she truly was. If she could have cried, she would have done so. As it   
was, she hadn't an outlet for her anguish.  
  
~doesn't anyone see the real me???~  
  
Suddenly, the presence of the Lord of Nightmares seemed to   
solidify, and engulfed even Lina's sprawling existence with tangible   
feelings of comfort and love.  
  
~I SEE THE REAL YOU, CHAOS CHILD, AS NO ONE ELSE CAN.~  
  
Though the feelings of pain and disillusionment were waiting inside   
Lina's awareness like a fireball waiting to sear her if she came near it,   
Lina soaked up the affection and acceptance she could sense coming   
from her Lord, hoping to put the fireball out.  
  
~really?~  
  
~I SEE YOU, LINA INVERSE. WILL YOU STAY WITH ME? BE HAPPY   
WITH ME?~  
  
The more Lina absorbed of L-sama's warmth, the more she could   
feel herself becoming a part of it. It felt good, the balm of becoming   
more than herself taking the edge off the isolation she felt at her friends   
perceptions of her. Why shouldn't she stay here? None of her friends   
really wanted her back in her reality. Not the real her. And in a way, L-  
sama was all of them, had made all of them, but she was better, because   
she loved Lina for all that she was, not what she thought Lina was. Would   
she stay?  
  
~yes, l-sama. i'll stay.~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Please read and review, or email me at   
Madame_Meow@hotmail.com.  



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